A little bit of my reality...

I just have to spit out some thoughts right now and this happens to be the place I want to do it. So, bear with me. On the days I go to work I spend my time in the car just enjoying the peace and quiet of being alone. Sometimes I just listen to the radio. Sometimes I just have peace and quiet. Sometimes I pray. But, then as I get to work and I'm walking my 10 minute walk to my office, I almost always say a short prayer that God will use me that day to glorify Him. Sometimes I feel like I'm really used by God to be a bright spot in the life of one of my patients or in the life of their families. (If you don't know, I'm a physical therapist at a large children's hospital). Other times I wonder if I really made a difference that day. Usually when I leave work, I leave it behind. On my drive home, I think about Jack and wonder what kind of day he had and I usually just can't wait to get home to him. Today was different. Today, I cried the whole way home. I felt God's presence today in a way I didn't wish to feel it, but all the same He used me and He allowed me to be in His presence with a girl who is one of my heroes.

I'll tell you about my patient. For the sake of confidentiality I am going to change her name and call her Sarah. Sarah has osteosarcoma, an aggresive bone tumor in her leg. Several months ago, the tumor was removed and she went through a process called limb salvage. Basically this is where they reconstruct her leg and take out the cancerous parts. She has been going through chemotherapy to treat her cancer and prevent more tumors or the spread of cancer in her body. Before I went to see her, I received devastating news. She has a new tumor in her leg and the cancer has spread to her lungs. In case you don't know.......this is not good. I had not seen Sarah in a while, so I wasn't sure how it was going to be when I walked in her room. The lights were out except for one light above her head that was shining down on her and to me it looked like a light from heaven. Immediately, Sarah sat straight up in bed and smiled so big and said, "Hey Jill!!!!!" Her uncle gave me a pleasant greeting and so did her mom. As we exchanged hugs, I felt like I was a part of their family. I began to help Sarah with some exercises in her bed and she looked at me very seriously and said, "have you heard? I have another tumor." I nodded and just looked at her and waited for her to talk. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. She changed the subject. Then a few minutes later she said, "they say I'm going to die, but I'm not going to die...the Lord is going to heal me." At that point I was about to break down into tears but I knew that was the wrong way to handle the situation, so I just said, "can I pray with you?" We held hands and I prayed over that girl like I've never prayed over anyone before. The words just came to me and I fought back the tears as with one voice, we asked the Lord to heal Sarah. It was a special moment. It was hard to leave Sarah's room when our treatment session was over. I just wanted to hang out with her a little longer since she is going home from the hospital tomorrow. I finally pulled myself away and pulled it together to finish my day seeing patients.

I don't know what is going to happen with Sarah. My medical knowledge tells me she won't live much longer. I want to have faith that God is going to heal her. I want to believe but it's so hard. But, I know that girl is strong and she has an incredible faith. To still be in high school, she has been through so much. She believes in God and she is going to be with Him whether it's soon or a long time from now. I'm just eternally greatful that I got to be a part of her life and that I got to feel God's presence so strongly today at work. Please pray for my friend and for her family. Pray boldly for healing.

I've been seeing so many cancer patients lately and it's really starting to take it's toll on me. I get so attached to these kids and their families and I just want them to all be healed and it just doesn't always happen. But, I LOVE my job. I love being there for families during tough times. I love ministering on a daily basis even though it's not always in such a straight forward way like praying with a patient. I'm thankful for the opportunities God puts in my path. May I do a better job at taking advantage of them.