It's just too much...

Please forgive me for this post. I just need to get my thoughts out of my head, so here goes...

Life ends. Even young lives end. And, lately I've been witness to way too many young lives ending. And, it's starting to get to me. I think I've lost count as to how many patients we have lost at work over the past 2 weeks. I know that people die every day, but since I've been working at this job....we haven't lost a lot of kids that we've been seeing for Physical Therapy until the last 2 weeks. Most of the kids who have passed away have died because of cancer. I hate cancer. One kid died of congestive heart failure at the age of 16. Just to be frank...it's been depressing. Today my last straw was when I went to work with a patient and the nurse "filled me in on what's going on." He has a severe infection in his lungs that's inoperable. His family is going to celebrate Christmas tomorrow so that he can be there and then they are going to let him decide whether he wants to stay in the hospital or go home to die. What?? Just last week, it wasn't this bad for this kid. It happens so fast and then they're gone. These aren't just some kids. These are kids just like mine with mommies and daddies who love them as much as I love Jack. These are kids who have dreams and hopes and struggles and heartaches. These are kids who just want to graduate high school or college. These are kids who didn't ask for this. And, these are parents who never dreamed this would be happening to them.

As I drove home from work tonight, I prayed and I contemplated the events of my day and the events of the past weeks. I thought about how Jack really isn't "mine" like I think he is. He is God's. I can only hope and pray that Jack outlives me, but what if he doesn't? I can't imagine putting my baby back in the arms of God at a young age, but isn't that where he belongs? Isn't that where we all belong? I wasn't created to live for this world. I was created to live for eternity. Why do I live my life as if I belong here? I don't belong here. I belong in eternity with Jesus. I guess the exciting thing is that I'm being allowed to start living that eternity here on earth. Because of my salvation....my life doesn't end. It will keep going and going. It's the same for these kids. In reality, life is only beginning for them at death. To say it's really difficult for their parents is just an understatement. It must be a living nightmare worse than any other.

My pain over the past weeks doesn't even begin to compare to the pain of these families. However, tonight I press on. I strive to put Jack in the arms of Jesus everyday. It's the only way. My job as his mom is to point him to eternity. He has to know that it doesn't end. Friends, it doesn't end. Live for the future, the future of eternity with God, our Father.

Father, help me to stop dwelling on petty things. Help me to love you more and more each day. Help me to lead Jack into your arms for the rest of his life. Help me to be who you created me to be and nothing less. And, please help these families who I am hurting with tonight. Help them to somehow move on. Give them peace and may they somehow find comfort knowing their children are in your arms tonight. I love you. Amen.