Wrestling

This is me interrupting my Christmas blog posting to be brutally honest. If you don’t like brutal honesty….don’t read.

For the past several months I have been wrestling with God. It’s been an intense battle. I have fought Him hard but He has won. And, I like it that way. Let me explain….

Chris has been on 2 trips to Ghana (West Africa). The first time was right before I got pregnant with Jack for 3 weeks and the second trip was when Jack was 4 months old. Then, we moved away from the church that we were going with and that was that. Only, it wasn’t. Chris cannot get Ghana off of his heart. And, he has not stopped asking me to go with him. Only, there was always an excuse….

· Jack is too young

· My parents won’t like it

· What if I get pregnant?

· I can’t take that long off of work

· I don’t even have an updated passport

· It’s WAY TOO expensive

· When in the world would we go?

Well, the opportunity has come for us to travel to Ghana with a few men from our old church in AL and there are no excuses – except I could probably argue that Jack is still too young but he’s pretty independent and he will be spoiled rotten by my parents while we’re gone. I will miss him like crazy, but I cannot fight God anymore. My parents don’t really like it but I know that my parents love God and I know that they know good will come of this trip and I know that they will still love me when I get home! I’m not pregnant. I don’t know why, but I’m not. And, maybe this is why. And, my renewed passport came in the mail yesterday giving me plenty of time to get my visa back before traveling. We have received a few phone calls in just the past 2 weeks that have basically provided 75% of the money for us to go. There is still the remaining 25% but we should be able to swing it. And, God has been faithful to this point so I’m sure that we’re not going to starve because of it! And, we’re leaving on or about Jan 30 and will be gone for 10 days. Wow. Oh yeah, and my boss at work is understanding about the whole trip.

Last year one of my friends went through the Experiencing God Bible Study with me and that’s when this battle really began. Around the same time I also participated in an intense study of the book of Esther. I have been listening for what God has for me and this has quickly become more than a tug on my heart. It’s become an all out decision in my face that I could no longer walk away from. There are many people who have always wanted to go to Africa and I’m not really one of them. But, I am a person who wants to follow God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I feel that this is what I’m supposed to do right now. I am writing this blog post because I covet your prayers. I say that God has won a battle and I have full peace that this is the right decision. However, I have NO CLUE why I am going. I have always had a desire to go on mission trips but never really of this magnitude. I fully expect that God will do great things but that’s just it………..I don’t know what to expect. I have fear. Fear of flying across the ocean and leaving my baby. I have all the normal fears that anyone would have when leaving their child for that long. I am not super woman and I am not claiming that this is going to be easy. But, I trust God. I know that this is the right time for me to take this trip and I know that God is way bigger than all my fears. So, please pray for me and Chris while we prepare for this trip. Please pray for Jack and pray for our work in Ghana. I will share more in the next few weeks. But, for now….please just pray. And, give praise to God for who He is. Maybe one of these days we will all learn to stop fighting Him.