Today, (Sept 29, 2011) I turned 20. You probably think I'm older than that and yes, I am. But, 20 years ago today I gave my life to Jesus. I became a Christian at the age of 11. It was such an ordinary day. My family went to church and went to lunch as we usually did. We came home and I was spending some time in my room just thinking.........thinking about my life. I was thinking about what I wanted my life to be. I was only in 6th grade but I knew that there was more to life than what I had lived up to that point. I knew I was sinful. I knew that I was selfish. I knew that I didn't always treat my parents right. I knew that I didn't always treat my friends right. I knew that I needed to change. I needed something. I wasn't sure what to do to tell you the truth. Just a few weeks before this moment I had been on a middle school youth group retreat. The theme of that weekend was based on the old Michael W. Smith song, "My Place in This World."
Lyrics:
The wind is moving but I am standing still
A life of pages waiting to be filled
A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming is harder than it seems
Feels like I'm
CHORUS
Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world
If there are millions down on their knees
Among the many can you still hear me
Hear me asking where do I belong
Is there a vision that I can call my own
Show me I'm
CHORUS
Those words still get me today. I knew then that I wanted a place in this world. I didn't want to roam aimlessly. I felt like my place was with Jesus and with His Church. I wanted that life. I knew that. I believed in Jesus. I believed He became a man and lived on this earth and died for me. I knew that He gave meaning to my life. I knew I could be forgiven of my sins. And, that afternoon in my room I couldn't deny it any longer. There was the sense of urgency deep in the pit of my stomach. I was convicted. I couldn't hold it back any longer. I walked down the hall to my parents room and told them I wanted to be baptized that night. I still remember what I was wearing. I still remember the feeling I had when I was submersed under the water and raised to my new life. I still remember.......yet, I still forget.
I forget that it's not about finding my place in THIS world. It's about a world much bigger. It's about a Kingdom that is further reaching than I could ever imagine. There are times where I don't feel a part. There are times where I don't belong. I don't fit. I'm lonely. But, it's in those very times I hear God's voice, "Your place is in MY world. I am holding you. I am with you. I know you. I see you."
**This is where I stopped on Sept 29**
Last Sunday I heard a sermon that was simple yet profound and filled full of things I needed to hear. The sermon was focusing on how Christians today respond to our changing world. He suggested that we must focus more on the ENTIRE Gospel story.....and suggested that often we tend to focus more on the middle of the story. You see, God's story began in Genesis. It begins with creation. We are created by God who created each of us for purpose - purpose to bring Glory to God. Then, just a few chapters into Genesis there was the fall. Sin entered the world. But, wait....Jesus came and offered redemption. Right there - how often do we think about our sin and our salvation and just stop. That's not the whole story. Yes, I have sinned and yes, I am forgiven. So, now what? 20 years later.....now what? 20 years from now......then what? The end of the story is Restoration. That comes in Revelation. In Revelation 21-22......God's dwelling place is here. He makes everything new. We are with Him. All will be restored to how it was in the beginning before our sin interrupted the way God created us to be. I must be seeking that total Restoration. I must be sharing that with others. God wants to move me closer to that moment every day. My place is not in this world. My place is with God. But, until He takes me there......my place is still with God. It's bringing myself and others closer to total Restoration to the way things ought to be. It's not giving up. It's pressing toward a HIGHER calling every day. It's pressing toward a goal - a goal that I may never fully understand but I don't give up.
These past 20 years have been full of ups and downs. They have been full of spiritual highs and lows. They have been full of moments where I am moving toward Christ at lightning speed and moments where I'm running away as fast as my legs will carry me. They have been full of moments I'm very proud of and moments I am embarrassed to even think about. I have not obtained fullness just because 20 years ago I gave my life to Christ. I continue to answer the question I was asked on the day of my baptism each and every day, "Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God and He died to save you from your sins?" Yes. One day I will obtain fullness. One day I'll be there - totally restored. And, until then I will still be seeking my place in this world as an alien and a stranger who finds herself on a lonely path sometimes. Until then, I will still be striving to figure out what my life should look like. And, yes I will continue to fail miserably. But, God will also succeed through me as I become a more willing servant. I hope that I can look back in 20 more years and see that I am still growing through my failures and moving closer to Restoration and bringing some others with me along the way.
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